


Anything For You

by Ardra



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:03:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1943901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardra/pseuds/Ardra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't see enough fics where Gamzee is not a shitty Moirail or a fic where Gamzee has to dote on a upset Karkat so here one is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything For You

Hm. What is your name again? Oh, right. You're Gamzee Motherfuckin' Makara. Yeah, that's the words you were dubed as a grub. Been your name for as long as you've been alive but sometimes you forget. Sometimes, when you're all alone, you forget that you even exist sometimes. Ain't no one around to tell you that you do exist in the world, and often your pan wonders freely with this notion that maybe you are someone else right now but nah. You're you. Your heart is telling you so. This be you, in all your pan addled glory.   
  
Now that you remember who you are, there is something else you've noticed as well. You haven't heard from your diamond in a few days. Or has it been a week by now? Shit, you can't even get your know on long enough to figure out how long your Moirail has been missing from your life. It is horribly painful when you think about your little red miracle pale mate.   
  
Something is wrong. Something is horribly wrong.  
  
Your heart tells you this and your pan wonders what it could be. You don't have the slightest of fuckin' ideas on what it could be so you start with your little name test. You start going through the names of your friends, or ones that you can remember now. When you get to Karkat's name, your heart fills chilled. You swear it just skipped a rhythm note, filling your already cold blood with a unsettling icy feeling. Now that you have an idea, you start to really worry about your Moirail. You haven't had a feeling like this associated with him in a sweep. The last time was the incident that made him your pale diamond in the first place.   
  
You dismiss the thoughts in your pan about how you became Moirails with Karkat quickly. They are distracting you and you need to be a little bit more clear headed right now. You make your way to your husktop that sits on its table, waiting for your claws to run over it and bring it to life. You don't sit down, but bend over the computer as you bring up Karkat's Trollian Handle.   
  
**~CarcinoGeneticist is Offline~**   
  
You flick your index finger over the mouse pad and bring up the time stamp in the lower corner of his profile and feel an overwhelming sense of dread when you see that he hasn't been on in over a week. Karkat is always on Trollian at lease once a day. How could you have gone so long without noticing that you had not talked to him? You're an idiot and a shitty Moirail. It is you.   
  
You flick your gazing orbs to the window of your respiteblock. The sun had set an hour ago, the sky was filled only with the light of the two moons circling Alternia. Your blood pusher is aching more now and you feel a burning desire deep in your core to see your Moirail, to hold him, to know that he is alright.   
  
You pull clothes and shoes on so fast, you barely remember that you've done it at all. You left the husktop running on your desk in your scramble to leave. Your leg stalks power you over the loose sand of the dunes around your hive. You are used to walking and running in sand, you angle your feet so that they aren't pointing forward but to the side to give you better traction in the loose grains. You point your feet back forward when you make it to the dirt bath Karkat made for you to get to his hive.   
  
It doesn't lead the full way to his hive but it sure as fuck gonna get you close enough to allow your instincts to take over. You're already worrying and your response is to flat out run the rest of the way to the other's lawn ring. You know Karkat lives with some other Trolls around him, but he never talks about them and you are damn sure he doesn't talk /to/ them as he is always so terrified of someone other than your own self will find out his blood is that miraculous shade of red and cull the poor guy.   
  
You spot his hive and burst of excitement, worry and dread powers you just fast enough that you don't remember getting from the edge of the lawn ring to his door. You knock on it but there is no answer and the windows are dark. You feel your blood pusher skip a beat again. Did someone hurt him?   
  
"Kar?" your voice is scratchy and tight with worry.   
  
When there is no answer, you try the door knob and feel a sense of almost paralyzing fear when the handle easily turns and allows you entrance. The inside of his hive is dark, and it smells stale. Like no one's been moving around in it for a while. You don't got your know on how long the lights have been out. You enter the hive, feeling around on the wall until you find a light switch and flick it on.   
  
A small hiss of pain comes from the couch across the room. You get your view on your Moirail finally, and he's bundled up in one of his sweaters, curled up on the couch with his back to you. You waste no time closing the distance between you and the couch and start to turn him over. He mewls in protest but doesn't fight you. Once you see his eyes, and he looks into yours, you worry even more. He's been crying, hard and for a while. His cheeks are stained with red tear trails, his nose is puffy as he sniffles and a fresh tear trickles down the side of his face.   
  
"Karkat?"  
  
He doesn't answer you, instead he tries to turn back towards the couch to be miserable with the cloth back but you don't let him. He hisses weakly at you but doesn't do anything else as a choked sobbing noise comes from his protein chute. You lean forward, scooping him up and press him to your chest. He's tense as you hug him but it isn't long before he is openly sobbing into your shoulder, his warm hands fist in your shirt. Good thing it's black so his mutant red tears wouldn't be noticeable to others.   
  
He cries so hard and you are starting to worry that he will choke if he doesn't stop for a few seconds. You take your hand and start to gently run the pad of your thumb and index finger around the base of his nubby little horns. He chokes again but his sobbing is starting to become controlled. Even after the tears stop, he doesn't let go of you and your attention to his horns isn't making him purr like it usually does so you gently making shooshing noises at him and purr softly, hoping your good vibrations would make him feel better.   
  
Shit, he's crying again. He lets out this tiny little churring noise and his sobbing starts fresh. He is so tiny in your arms, shoulders shaking before his body starts making random jerking movements as his sobs turn into hiccups.   
  
"Shoosh, Karkat. It's okay. I'm here." you tell him, lavishing attention onto his other horn.   
  
It takes a few minutes before he calms down enough that you can sit him on the couch facing you. He looks miserable, his face red with tear stains and exertion from crying so much. You run your fingers through his hair, it's knotted and its a familiar greasy feeling. It wasn't like your Moirail to not bathe regularly, that was more something you did.  
  
"Kar, let me get you all up and cleaned up. You will feel a shit ton better." you say but you continue to be a shitty Moirail as what you said sends him into another sobbing fit, "Aw, shit, Karbro. What did I do? Did I up and say something wrong?"   
  
Karkat doesn't answer verbally but shakes his head in the negative. You need to get him to calm down, to pull himself together but your presence doesn't seem to be helping. You get up and head upstairs to his room where the ablution block is. You'll just get a wash cloth and wet it to at lease clean his-   
  
Oh shit...  
  
You freeze at the stairs to Karkat's upper part of the house. Stretched out, half in the ablution block and half in Karkat's bedroom, is Karkat's Lusus. Well, dead lusus now. The smell of decay hits your sniffer hard, letting you know that it's been there for a while. There are no physical signs of why the crab died but now you see why your usually anal Pale mate hasn't been cleaning himself like he's used to. Maybe if you move the lusus' body downstairs, you can get Karkat cleaned.   
  
You go to do just that when a small, hot hand grabs your wrist, stopping you. You look over at Karkat as he miserably looks at the corpse.  
  
"Please... don't touch him..."   
  
Your blood pusher hurts now. His voice is broken from crying so much and his tone is like a small child, and you can feel the grief rolling off of him in waves. You turn, blocking out the corpse with your body and scoop him up. He doesn't protest as you head down the stairs and out of the hive. He's so small and fragile in your arms. He laid his head on your chest, staring blankly at something you couldn't see.  
  


Once back in your hive, you go straight for the ablution block. You set him on the toilet and kneel in front of him. Fresh tears are dribbling down the side of his face. Fuckin' hell, he looks terrible. You run your thumb over the tear trailing down his cheek gently, breaking up the stain a little as he leans into your touch.

You don't ask him what happened. It's not the time for that yet. He needs you now more than ever. He was there for you when you found Goatdad washed up on shore, and fuck now you had to take care of the broken shell of your Moirail now that his crabdad was gone. You get a cleansing plane and wet it with warm water from the ablution trap tap. You gently start to clean his face for him, he leans into the rag, sniffling miserably. You don't say a word. There is nothing to say, really. Fucking hell if anyone knew what to say to you when you lost your Lusus two sweeps ago, not even Karkat.

Once his face is wiped, you help him get out of his smelly clothes. Soon, he's naked and sitting on your toilet shivering. Fuck, you're such an idiot. You should've grabbed your pale mate some fucking clean clothes when you were at his hive. Fuck. Shit. Why didn't you think of this before? You are such an idiot.

You blink when Karkat places his hand on your cheek in a gentle pap. You feel a pale flutter in your blood pusher when he leans his forehead against yours. Shit, you're supposed to be comforting him, not the other way around. Gently, you pap his cheek as well before your free hand pulls his hand from your face.

"Don't move, Karbro." you tell him softly.

You don't wait for his answer as you head into your respite block. You have only a few clean shirts left but Karkat needs one more than you do right now. You go back to the ablution block and your heart aches when you see that he's crying again. You kneel in front of him, setting the shirt aside and pull him to your chest again. He's sniveling into your shirt but you couldn't give two fucks less as you rub his back.

"Kar, let me run ya a bath. Make ya feel a shit load better." you tell him as he whimpers, hands fist into your shirt again and nods.

You gently untangle his fingers from your shirt and kiss his forehead. You might have left a streak of grease paint on his skin but he doesn't care. You start to fill the trap, making the water more to his liking. Once it's full, you start to try and coax him into it but he tucks himself against your chest, slightly hiccuping from crying so much.

"C-come in with me? I don't want to be alone anymore."

Your whole body feels the pale tingle now as you wrap your arms around him as if that would protect him from his suffering.

"Sure, pale love. I'll get in ta the trap with you."

He nods his head in appreciation and takes a step back from you as you take off your clothes, tossing them into the corner you like to pile shit you've noticed is too dirty to wear. You should probably do laundry again at some point. You're brought out of your thinking to the sound of Karkat getting into the trap and sighing as he lowered himself into the water. You climb in behind him, sinking down before pulling him to you. You wrap you arms around him and let him lean against you.

You purr softly as you run water over his body, over tense muscles that quivered as he started to silently cry again. Fuck, it hurt to see him like this. Was this how he fuckin' felt when he pampered you after your lusus died? How did he stand it? This was killing you inside to see him like this. Your usually solid Moirail brought down to a quivering, sobbing grub again that desperately wanted his Lusus. A Lusus that will never be there again.

You gently clean him in the trap until the water starts to get cold and Karkat shivers against you. You aren't bothered by the cooling water but your body temperature was cooler than his. You go to have him sit up on his own when you realize that he's fallen asleep against your chest. Shit. How are you going to get him out and dressed without waking him? He looks so tired in your arms as he snores slightly from the angle he's at.

You remember quite a few times where you fell asleep as he was acting all pale with you and now you see how it feels. It makes your blood pusher feel all tight and tingly with pride and love that you were able to make him feel better enough to fall asleep.

He shivers again and you start to worry that he'll get sick if he stays in the cooled water for too long. As gently as you can, you run the pad of your thumb over his jaw and chin. His face scrunches up in the most cute way but he doesn't wake. You continue the strokes until his eyes finally flutter open and look at you in a still sleep addled daze. You purr softly at him, assuring him that you are there and you will take care of him.

He chirrups at you, wondering why you woke him up.

"Water's gettin' cold, Karbro. I gotta get you out of it before ya get sick on me or something." you tell him, now running your palm gently over his jaw line.

He blinks slowly at you a couple times, which makes your heart do a cartwheel in your chest. No one's ever slow blinked at you before. Not even your Lusus. You purr a little louder as he seems to realize what's going on. You help him to sit up then get out before he can. You let out the water in the trap before you pick up your Moirail and wrap him in your fluffiest absorption plane. You run your hands over the fuzzy material, creating friction that started to warm him up.

There's a slight humming noise that reaches the clots on the side of your pan. You're confused for a second before it dawns on you that Karkat is purring at you. He's sitting completely still and compliant, purring as you take care of him. You fall even more in love with him as he closes his eyes, enjoying himself. You help him into your spare shirt and can't help but giggle as it's so big on him that it's literally only able to sit on one shoulder, the other half of it hanging off. He's adorable like this but you would never say that to him.

You finish getting him settled and get yourself dry and dressed.

"Are you all up for eating, Karbro?"

He shakes his head at you. You know better than to try and force him to eat when he's like this. It would just come up again and you know your little pale miracle doesn't like throwing up. You don't want to make him feel worse so you just scoop him up in your arms and carry him to the horn pile. You use your foot to create an indent in it then settle in it, limbs folded around Karkat as he leans his head to your shoulder.

You rub his chest softly, making sure he keeps warm and he starts purring softly again. You take his hands in yours and start to message one of them. You start at the wrist, gently rubbing your fingers over the skin. He started giving you messages a while ago and taught you how to do it. You're stronger than he is, so you have to be extremely careful not to hurt him while you do this. If you are rubbing him too hard, he isn't saying anything about it. You turn his hand over to be palm up and begin to message the meaty part of his palm and his purring starts to die down. You pause in your work, thinking you might hae hurt him but he whimpers as you stop a sign to you that he is very unhappy that you stopped and started again.

You are almost to the knuckles of his hand when he finally speaks, his voice low and still broken from crying so much, "He got sick... I don't know what happened but... he started to sleep more and move around less... He didn't chatter at me when I made too much noise, or hiss when I walked past and woke him... Then a week ago... I came home from hunting and..."

You pull him into a hard embrace, your pusher breaking as he starts to openly sob again. You feel the pin prick of your own indigo tears welling in your eyes for him but you refuse to let them fall. You have to be strong for him right now as he breaks down in your arms.

"I couldn't move him! He was still alive but I couldn't get him to move, make a noise, nothing. He just laid there, blinking and spasming and then he just... stopped moving!"

You shoosh him, using your hand to press his head to your chest and he doesn't protest as he became more distraught and you shooshed him more. You don't know how long the two of you stayed like that but eventually, his sobs died down. He falls asleep in your arms again, clinging to you as if you would be gone like his crabdad if he let go of you. You keep him pressed close to your chest as you lay down with him. He moans unhappily at first but then settles against you as you purr softly, reminding him that you were there and you would protect him. You will always be there for him.

~*~*~

You get up before he does the next night and make sure you don't wake him when you leave the pile. He whimpers softly as you leave but doesn't wake. You wrap him up in a snuggle plane and head to the other room. You spend a while making food for breakfast, the smell of eggs, oink beast strips and shredded ground knots eventually pulls your Moirail out of the pile and into the kitchen.

"Gamzee?"

You set down the flipping wand and immediately pull him into a hug, scratching at the skin at the base of his neck until he's purring goo in your hands.

"Hungry?"

He shakes his head in the negative and you feel a slight pang of disappointment before he speaks, "Gamzee... can you help me... bury him?"

You don't hesitate even in the slightest when you agree to help him. You turn off the fire block, setting the food on the back burner where it can get cold and not burn down your hive as Karkat gets back into his gross, but fitting clothes. The whole walk there, his hand is clamped down around yours, refusing to let go and even getting tighter when you both reach his hive.

The inside smells more like death and decay now. It made your own stomach churn so you know that Karkat is putting on his bravest face possible. It takes a while for the two of you to work the crab lusus down the stairs and out the back door. He didn't want any of his neighbors to know that he was an orphan now. He claimed that it would paint an even bigger target on his back than anything else.

You offer to help dig the ditch but he grunted unhappily at you. He wanted to do this himself and you weren't going to stop him if that was something he felt he had to do. It takes two hours for Karkat to dig a deep enough ditch and you alternately bringing him cold water at random intervals. The tears start trickling down his face again as he batted you away when you tried to help him get the body into the ground.

He forces you to just watch as he buries the white carapace Lusus. After he's done, he's sweaty, dirty and crying again. You hug him from behind, nuzzling the side of his head and shooshing him gently. He cries for a good ten minutes then collects himself. He swallows a lump in his throat, you can feel his neck muscles working it down.

"Gamzee..."

"What's up, Karbro?"

"... How can you stand being around me right now? I smell like garbage and you're hugging me."

You chuckle softly, "Ya smell like a bundle of thorn roots to me right now, brother. Ya need shit like this more than I need ta not be smellin' ya."

"Ew. Get off. Shoo!" he turns in your arms, trying to push you away but you hold firm.

He growls softly and you laugh at the cute little face he's fucking making at you. He rolls his eyes when you refuse to let up before he leaned up and gave you a small kiss on the lips and leans his forehead to yours.

"Thank you for helping me with this, Gamzee." he says, eyes closed as he takes the comfort he needs from you.

You smile even though you know that he can't see it, but you are sure that he can feel it, "Anything for you, pale love."


End file.
